Please help me guys...For some reason these days, ma aafulai marne sochu jhatta jhatta...Pahile pahile yesto sochai kahile kahi aaye pani aahile ta jhatta jhatta aai rahencha yaar......i just tried to talk about this with my family but never had guts....can't talk with my friends either as they would defniently make fun of me...I don't know man at that moment (when that kind of thoughts comes into my mind), i don't see any meaning of life or future..
Once a person named Alexender just did not want to live. He was so frustrated with every moment of life he was going through. One day he went to the renown psychiatric for some counseling and tips for committing suicide.
The psychiatric advised him to go a show being conducted by a famous comedian. The show will make you ease of your life and make you very happy.
Alexender said "Sir that can't make me happy. The person in the show is me".
hey..gu.. i used to have the samekinda feeling.. time to time..they appeared suddenly out of nowhere to me...and whenever i had this thing going on.. i thought life is useless..because one day we all have to die...and all that BS...its not a big deal..i guess it happens to a lot of people...its the spiritual side of you trying to come forward and take control of you...because u are subconcsiously tired of doing same thing over and over and over again...maybe you are sick and tired of working for amimimum wage...or u are tired of studying hard..but u dont know what u want to be....or u are very stressed ..or you feel terrified working where u are workin now...if u work in a gasstation..these feelings are very common..try to live with them..with time they all fade away... let me know in what kind of situation they appear to you...my be ill be able to help you...
Man you think that gas station work hard, we had been to butcher factory, stayed out of job for moths and months. दुर्गम गाउ मा हुर्केको बढेको , दु:ख सहेको भोगेको भए पनि कालेजो मुखमा आउने गरी काम गरेको थिएन र परेन। Worked so hard " BALLS WERE IN OUR MOUTH". School sent bills to Nepal. As you have feelings, we thought we were better off in Nepal. Once we made a move and step on it, there is no way looking back rather than going forward. Stay calm and focus, no drinking, which would not help just waste of money. Just focus on why you are here, feel the same joy when you get the visa as if you were denied 5 times. Now you have a goal.
Focus on that goal, One of our friend quiet the school , do not know what he is doing now but he was way smarter than us but he was of mind of his mind and away from his goal. We keep trying and keep moving on. Among us who focued and wroked hard have green card and a job. Our goal came true because we did not change our course of action to achieve our goal and we fight harder than we imagined back home. While we were working as a buther we punched the meat and said we will excel and we conquer. Still running after destiny but we got through first crucial stage. So you can do it.
Man we were from a rural public school . we struggled for English and still struggling though we pass the first phase. Focus, Focus, focus.
liked what bairaagi kailaa said. i was in same situation, i had no money when i came to states, loan loan loan. i worked like 70 hours and took full time classes (undergrad) cleaned toilets, sweep-mop, hardcore kaale ko area maa nii kaam gariyo. now after 5 years of blood and tears i am done. i have my undergrad. Keep up your zeal. be optimistic, and never let anyone delude your life's aim and never let anyone f4uck with your feelings.for students, esp. if they live with GC DV walas and illegal money mongers don't listen to them whatever they advise you!! Life is good brother, do hard and beat it hard.
I had same feelings few months back and I doubt I still have when I see the fan over me is spinning continuosly....
But when I thought to hang myself on the fan, I was not confident about if the fan can bear my weight or not. If it will break after I die, it would be great. If it wouldn't, I will lose only one fan that keeps me cool all these time. So, I give up this idea.
Another visualization which keeps me commiting sucide is what happens after I die? Will he marry another gal? Definitely he will? He can not give up his desires for me. What if they make love in front of my ghost and I cannot do anything to them except witnessing their love making.
It seems like you are lonely, you need to find some goal in life, like aim to achieve something and keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think these bad thoughts. One thing that works for most people is working out and improving your health and body, which in turn helps you feel good about yourself and you would want to go out and make new friends have fun and enjoy life. OR learn something new that you always wanted to but never got to it. What you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself and think of all the less fortunate people then you. If you don't have any close friends with whom you can share all that you are going through then it may help you to start an anonymous blog and pour your heart out over there.
First of all thank you very much (millions of times) for replying on this thread. I really really appreciate all of yours valuable suggestions.
One thing I really want to share is that I think in a different than any other people. Its not like I m a intellectual person instead I am a person with some kind of disorder..(not psycho though). But I must admit that fact that I do have some kind of personality disorder….and I am explaining why???
First question to you, what comes in your mind when you see any condolence on a paper? What I think is what if that kind of bad thing happen with my family and for that I remember god for infinite times….pray infinite times and say “plz god save”..what u called it???
Second thing, once in a while I feel that whatever happening around me, I feel that it had already happened before and its repeating again..(Obviously Dejavu)…
I always fantasize about the things that would never ever happen in my life..Sometimes I think winning the f2 season, or being the best player in football( I had never played football in my life) or some kind of weird things..
Its not like I m thinking ,,its just pop ups in my mind.. suddenly, somewhere, somehowI don’t know why??? Just like that aafulai marne kura,,,its just pups up in my mind for one moment..
I still remember,, I was driving a car and I passed an eighteen wheller..Suddenly, putting the car on the wheels of truck came into my mind…I would have done that but when I saw my friend sleeping on the passenger seat, I though he might get hurt and therefore I should leave it for now and try it later on…I am not planning to aafulai marne , its just comes into my mind….just for the moment…Similarly, I thought to drink bleach ( gallon of bleach) at my work place, but someone came or something happen and that moment went..
If this kind of situation looks like filmy to you then I would ask you one question.. Why its only me who think like that way for a moment…do u think the same way I do? I don’t think so….and now by reading interenet mostly,, I reached the conclusion that I am having some kind of personality disorder….
The worst part, because of all of this I don’t trust my self any more.. may be I can control myself for 23 hour 59 minute and 59 seconds but that one moment would change my life ..that’s my greatest fear……and one more thing I m getting married..and it kills me that what if I would done something wrong in the future ? it would destroy someones life……if you say don’t worry u will be alright once u get married that would not be the solution as I m having this kind of fellings for 2-3 years….
I don’t know guys, just don’t know what to do next?
1. Are you sleeping enough? It seems you are sufferring from depression. About 1 in every 10 person suffer from depression in USA. YOu should look for some help.. Talk to close friends.. people do understand.. it is a disease.. there is nothing wrong getting ill.
2. Dont smoke or drink. It does not help at all.
3.Sometimes... mineral deficiency in our body/brain makes us feel 'blue', sad, out of concentration.. I used to get so tired and just sleepy sometimes in past.. I started taking quality multivitamins.. and it all went away. I got concentration on study.. and full of energy.
4. Play something.. football, basketball, running whatever.. Express your distress/anger on these activites.. YOu will feel better.
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.. LIVE IT.
DONT WORRY, what others say.. YOU HAVE THE BRIGHT FUTURE..
99% of human beings go through the same feeling once during their life span. nothing to worry about. I myself have had enough of it. The reasons vary. For some relationships trigger that feeling, for some day to day boring lifestyle, for some financial crisis, for some repeated failure. Most here in US sometimes visa status also gives such feeling. But my friend, life is way to beautiful to end just because you think ending your life would take you out of trouble, who knows after death, the situation might be more painful in the next world you go.You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now Just remember :
"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain"
Here try some of these:
Avoid doing things you're likely to fail at or find difficult until you're feeling better. Know what your present limits are and don't try to go beyond them until you feel better. Set realistic goals for yourself and work at them slowly, one step at a time.
You may not feel very social but make yourself talk to other people. Whether you talk about your feelings or about any other topic, reducing your social isolation is likely to be helpful.
Its good that you reached out to Sajha. You need listeners to shed your feeling of pain. Make a start and cherish living.
From your second post, it is 100% clear.. The condition what you are sufferring through has it's name in medical term "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) " or in general - "Scary thoughts". It is a part of anxiety / depression / mood disorders. Lots of people suffer it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Check this forum: http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/a/frm/f/372105472
People with such conditions.. have feelings of "what if i stab myself" - when they hold a knife.. or "What if i jump of here and kill myself" - when they are in high buildings.. Some people..even 'scared' of .. they would just kill their infant baby while taking him bath in bath tub.. I mean there is no limit of what might pop up in mind..
SO, first thing... SEARCH ONLINE.. "Scary thoughts + Anxiety + depression", and educate yourself.. It is a great relief if you find some word to attach to what you are suffering from. People get more suffered when they dont even know they are suffering from depression/ or OCD. You have the same problem.
Next, you should seek medical help. Therapy also works. But your case seems clinical. You need to talk with doctor. Tell him you have "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD".. DONT WORRY - Once you overcome this disease, you will feel different world. Everything will be normal..
NEVER EVER STAY AWAKE AT NIGHT.. SLEEP IN TIME and WAKE UP EARLY .. go for walk.. and IMMEDIATELY SEEK MEDICAL HELP.. There is nothing wrong.. about this.
1. Take good quality vitamin B complex.../ multivitamins..
2. Take fish oil capsuls
3. Drink Enough water .. even when you are not thirsty.
3. Never watch sad stuffs.. watch comedy.. and funny stuffs.
5. Sleep in time. .wake up in time.
6. You can get test - what mineral deficiency is causing the problem in your body.. You might need to take 'folic acid supplements, or magnesiums or chromiums (these are in deficiency in most of depressed people..). Your doctor can tell after undergoing some clinical tests..
7. NO alcohol/smoking.. AT ALL.
8. Talk /discuss with friends. JUST BY DISCUSSING WITH THIS FORUM helped you a lot.. i guess..
9. Active lifestyle.. play games.. go out.. hang out.. life is beautiful..
(Midwest center have audio talk therapy materials.. you can find them in torrents.. search "attacking anxiety and dipression" torrent.. and download..listen.. people discussing their scary thoughts.. and how they fought back and overcame it..
You are right dude/gal…that’s the same thing I m thinking..what’s life..u grow up,,work hard, will have a family, send ur kids to school..they will grow up and the same cycle starts again…and one day we will die….if then why not not now….And may be u right I m just so tired of doing the samething over and over again for last 6 years….but why its only me who thinks like this? Not a single person I know is thinking like that way…
Bairaig_kailo
Belive me Sir,, I really don’t have any goal in my life… I really don’t know where I m heading right now neither I know
Youwanpras, subrath,8848m,
Thank you for such a positive suggestions..
Sajha_addict
The fan thing seems someway of having positive attitude..i will keep on that mind…And honestly sometimes(on that particular moment) I really want to see what happens after death?
Jenny
As I already said I don’t see any goal in my life..honestly…if you wondering why..may be its becaue I m having some mental disorder or something like that….and its not like its just coming all the time, its just a moment just for a second( you imagine what u can think in one second)..and about making friends…cause I know I m really really a f***king selfish I don’t think I can make friends…to let u know..there are only two people who call me…:D..and I drew that conclusion..
Ans
I want to enjoy this life..and for that we have to live..and that’s the main reason I generated this thread……I want to live my life…….but wht about that moment..plz tell me to get rid of that moment….thanx for the video…
Spreadlove
U read my mind.”””You may not feel very social…””yeah that’s so true…..i feel alone once in a while.....
One last note,,, I know aafulai marne kura ekdum galat ho …ekdum galat and that’s why I created this threading hoping that it would guide me to some positive direction....
Ma kaslai bhanu yi sab kura,,saathi haru lai bhanna sakdina,,family lai bhanna sakdina....teskarna i m here writing all these things...i m sorry if any one get bored because of me.....
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Now i know that i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder too.. i know i already have bipolar disorder....cause my moods swings a lot..nobody knows it(i even don let my roommate know anything about it..u know how some people are).. and going to interent yeah.i had done so much reasearch on this..took so many quiz,,read so many articles..and that's why i came here.......let me see what else i have except these too...and one more question..should i tell all about to the girl i m getting married or just simply let it go...what scares me most is what if i never ever get better.what if it get worse day by day....
honestly Ans as a nepali usa le k k ne de la bhaner aako,,mental disorder po diyo..euta haina duita haina..aaru kati katti....i m sorry if i m bothering you...
I think ( I am not a psychologist though) you are very rich in your imagination which is good. It is normal to have all those weird things in mind. Some people just forget it and people like you will wonder what if you do the strangest thing in life. I have similar ideas on my brain. When I read some news or something different than usual, I imagine myself in that particular environment. But I read somewhere that you can channelize those feelings in writing. You can write a blog or just start a journal. May be you are creative writer who knows? I have started that too but stopped now due to my laziness. I am wondering if you put those thoughts in writing in sajha. There would be readers like me and also you feel lighter after you express them regularly.
BTW, your id makes me sick when I read sajha eating something at the same time.
Like someone said about financial obligations that pushed him hard. I guess in lifetime everyone goes through this at least once. I have been through it and i know the feelings. You are lucky your family listens so share with them and try to get the solutions. there is hardly any thing in world which dont have solutions. Therefore, My suggestions is believe in time and keep working hard. If you pass this situation then you will be successful and toughest guy. I hope you were not in gun point like me but i managed to get out and still working hard. I know life is not easy still never gave up. Sometimes i thought of leaving Nepal but I said to myself that i have fled and runaway and made my life miserable. Now i am fighting in hard. I wake up at 6 in the morning and start teaching in college then go to my magazine office to do my job and in evening I work as consultant chef for restaurants. Plus I have take training progamme in my skill development center. Dont choose escape route belive me you will come back and have to bear for your sin with interest. Believe me you you can pay principle now dont leave it for interest.
I can see all sort of these weird thoughts comes to your brain and pops up occasionally but reading all these posts by all the people and even you i wondered why you didn't mention that thought. Why you didn't thought by killing yourself you will kill your parents too. You will indeed kill your mama who brought you in this beautiful world with a severe and enormous pain. I think this is a Americanized life that is giving you this feelings around.
My suggestion
Tell everything to your mom. Know what pains and sorrows they have gone through in their life to raise you, through her own mouth. If you want to save yourself ,live up to your parents expectation.
well if your parents do share the same kinda a problem like yours,
My friend, I should talk to you. That wouldn't be a solution for you in any way - just that I share a lot of similarities to things you've written down here.
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